11:43:00 PM
A Case Of Mistaken Identity and All That Crap
Mrs Yak Sheau Yang, who doesn't even teach me came up to me and asked "Matthew, have you handed in your poster". I don't even take geog, and she's referring to my brother, by the way. I go like "HUH?", and she suddenly experiences anagnorisis and goes "Eh, you're not Matthew ah."
Some random lady in a white shirt came up to me and said "Bye, see you on MSN ah". I gave her a quizzical look and was like "ummm.... right..?" and she went like "OOPS, i was looking for Matthias".
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THESE DAYS. They have problems identifying people, yet they can tell a calculator from a watermelon. We need to find the source of this potetially nation-threatening problem and FAST, before one day, as we stroll through East Coast Park collecting rubbish, we go up to the President and, taking him for a cleaner, ask "Uncle, qing3 wen4, ce4 suo3 zai4 na2 li3 (where is the toilet, in chinese)". I don't even think Mr SR Nathan is Chinese, haha.
What we need is a technologically advanced solution. What we need is an effective, well-enforced system of immediate identification. What we need is something or someone to solve this problem of misidentification, or before you know it, we, the future leaders of Singapore are going to go up to George Bush and talk about how the Iraq War was a stupid waste of life and life's time.
Unless you're in some really lax dialogue with him, you're like - so dead. So anyway. Here are a few solutions that I have thought of.
Number One, kill everyone so there's nobody to mistake for anybody else. A variation of this would be to kill yourself so you will never commit the taboo of mistaking one for another. Or maybe you could kill everybody else, excluding yourself. Unfortunately, besides the possibility of being associated with some Satanic cult, your identification prowess would probably be so bad that you would probably be trying to shoot people with an umbrella like Douglas does in class.
Here's solution Number Two. We could all attach our identification information on a nice invisiblish wire so that your name and the years you have left to live will float mysteriously over your head so everybody can scribble everybody elses name in the Death Note and this solution in fact is a double edged sword. Besides fulfilling the purpose of quick and correct identification, we can also link back to the first solution of selective/mass killings, because this is what the Death Note fulfils. However, once again, if we have to resort to such violent means, it would probably mean we have reached the stage where we can't tell a Death Note from a Death Note story book. What's worse, we might even have problems attaching our personal data to our heads; for all you know, you might walk down Orchard road and see people with wires coming out from their butts. Well, if that's where their heads are, then that's fine, but under normal circumstances, that's plain wrong.
I can go on giving lots of solutions, but everything requires some form of material apparatus to conduct the proceedings, and hence, everything solution I provide will be cancelled out on the basis that you can't get the right apparatus since you just plain suck at identification. I mean, for a person who calls a turnip a banana, maybe you should look in the mirror and find out who that person in there is. In almost every case it's your neighbour, but it's always worth trying.
Funny how we can't really remember who that guy next to you is, but we can sure remember who we are. Like, when you top up your card you don't insert your ezlink card and go like.. "EH? Why am I topping up my sister's ezlink card?"
Haix.
What was all that about.
And who's blog is this anyway. I'm not too sure. It's probably Matthias' blog, but I'll have to check. Maybe I should ask him. I have his MSN, do don't worry. It's niemileopard12@hotmail.com so if you want you can add him too.
